If you want me to cry, just give me something to read or watch about a child dying. Doesn’t matter the circumstances or the age. It’s simply not supposed to happen in that order. I lose it every time. It is my biggest fear.
But a close second is the thought of me dying while my kids are still young (young being defined as…I can’t put a number on it; they will always seem young to me, I suspect). There’s no reason to think I will, I have no diseases that I know of and don’t take unnecessary risks. But for all I know, there’s some kind of time bomb in my body, or somebody is planning on driving somewhere today and my head will meet their bumper. You just never know.
If I were to die suddenly, that would be bad enough. But Lisa Belkin’s extraordinary post over at HuffPo about parents’ advice to their spouses and kids before they died just totally destroyed me. I was crying by the third paragraph and had to stop reading several times just to sob.
It’s something that I can barely make myself think about: if I knew that I was going to die, what would I tell my kids? How do you impart all of the things you hope to teach them over decades in whatever time you have left? When simply being a good example and being there for them is no longer a possibility, what do you do?
I can’t even think about it. It’s too painful. I’m going to go to YouTube and search for videos of cute animals while you go and read the post. Because I’m starting to get dehydrated.